I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize