threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
