Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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