U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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