That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
