There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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