You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
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