Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
