One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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