May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
