I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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