Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
