If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The air taste purple.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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