The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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