please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
