the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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