Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
no you cant smoke seaweed
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
