Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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