I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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