He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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