my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
