That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
