All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i've created a new STD.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
