Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
