im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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