Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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