right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
