U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
the day after is always just damage control
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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