Well now I have my semen on her headphones
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
