her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
