My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
