You smell like a Billy Joel song
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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