I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
