how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
