I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
That was before I lit my hair on fire
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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