just survived the first fart of the relationship.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
