i was born a porn star she said
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
