i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
