At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
