So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
