I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
