don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
