About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize
