My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
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She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
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WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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