I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
