Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
