Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
