This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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