Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
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No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
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If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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