I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
