I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
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Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
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I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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