im about as happy as oj after his trial
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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