we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
