got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
