paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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