You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Randomize
