Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
