Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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