Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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