finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
