You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
