I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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