Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
