If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I am naked and annoyed.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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