i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
