woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
