I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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