Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
