the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
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Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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