have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
