I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
