I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
well you can't waste a boner
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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