Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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