Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
