and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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